she has a guy

she has a guy.
i know it.
i know it all.
it doesn’t hurt me the way i think it would do. it’s just like the candy you got, had shits on it.
the thing is i can’t throw that candy.

six months ago, she moved here.
stiff. awkward. she had the whole words to say, she kept the mouth silent.
i broke the silence, i made a conversation, but the wall between us still unbreakable.
day by day, and it becomes months…
she started to smile,
she started to make a topic,
she started to laugh at my joke,
she started to look for me,
i started to like her.
but she was a black hole, and i didn’t have a strength to go against the gravity.

she has a guy.
i know it.

it happened.
and i don’t even know how it all began,
the worst thing is i don’t even know how to end it.
i don’t even want to end it all.
the way she talks or the way she walks,
the way she licks her lips to the the way she picks her trip,
the way she misses me in the broken night,
and sadly the way she kisses her guy the day after.

she has a guy.
i know it.
i know it all.
it doesn’t take all the pieces of me as all the quote on the internet said.
it gives me that pieces.
the thing is i can’t give her a return.
and she doesn’t even mind it.

i thought falling in love was a lot easier.
but seeing myself drowned into a hopeless well may be the easiest thing that i know.
i don’t try to reach the base.
i don’t try to help myself climb up the sky.
i let it take all over me,
controll it,
kill it,
smile at it.

she has a guy.
i know it.
i know it because she holds my hand, trembling
i know it because she deletes our conversation, doubtly
i know it because she kisses my lips, crying
i know it because she asked me to stay, meanly
i know it all.
but it doesn’t mean anything, anymore.

she has a guy